About Love
"I realized the importance of curves, of the thousand places where girls' bodies ease from one place to another, from arc of the foot to ancle to calf, from calf to hip to waist to breast to neck to ski-slope nose to forehead to shoulder to the concave arch of the back to the butt to the etc. I'd noticed curves before, of course, but I had never quite apprehended their significance. I want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you. And then she kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life.
Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."
About Life and Death
"And poof we are through the moment of her death. We are driving through the place that she could not drive through, passing onto asphalt she never saw, and we are not dead. We are not dead! We are breathing and crying and now slowing down and moving back into the right lane. I felt the heaves of his chest as we realized over and over again that we were still alive. I realized it in waves and we held on to each other crying and I thought, God we must look so lame, but it doesn't much matter when you have just now realized, all the time later, that you are still alive. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.
I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this.That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. How will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering? You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present. Everybody who has ever lost their way in life has felt the nagging insistence of that question. At some point we all look up and realize we are lost in a maze. Everything that comes together falls apart. We are all going. I go to seek a Great Perhaps so I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps. I still think that, sometimes, think that maybe the afterlife is just something we made up to ease the pain of loss, to make our time in the labyrinth bearable. Maybe she was just matter, and matter gets recycled. But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. There is something else entirely. There is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts. And that part has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed. Energy is never created and never destroyed. We are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. That part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail. T. Edison's last words were: it's very beautiful over there. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful."
Det her giver mening for mig. Forskellige udpluk af mine yndlingspassager fra Looking for Alaska af John Green og The Perks of Being a Wallflower af Stephen Chbosky. Citaterne er blandet sammen fra begge bøger, og sammensat og ændret en smule, men ikke markant. Og jeg mangler et citat om Charlies dødsangst, men jeg kan simpelthen ikke finde det, og det beskriver mig selv og mine tanker så perfekt. Men sådan her kan jeg huske dem ved at stille dem op og flette dem sammen, og læse dem igen når jeg glemmer meningen. Det er godt det her.
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